A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
