He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
