Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
God gave him joint rollers for hands
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
