Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
