So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
