Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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