we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
