I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
