I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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