i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
