Don't make out with my wife yet
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
