I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
