I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
