I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
