My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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