Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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