Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
