just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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