I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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