we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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