I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
