Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
