come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
