We're facebook friends in real life
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
3 2 1 whiskey
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
