my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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