I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
be right there i have to get my cape
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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