I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
