Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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