I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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