I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
