took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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