evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
