I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
People in love make me want to vomit
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
