I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
