Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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