So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
worst night to have a conscience
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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