If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
