my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
