what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
