it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
