Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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