Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
