i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
