Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
