And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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