There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
