I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
