I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
