I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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