So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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