He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
