Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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