Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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