I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
