that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
