I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize