Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
