blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
