So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
