I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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