I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
