Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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