oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
