at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Panties = found
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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