I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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