Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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