Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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