oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
