just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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