I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
