Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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