I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
