just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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