I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
