i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
